A Note from Avery @ age 11.

From Avery, at age 11...the time flies and yet she will always remain my sweet Sugar Bear: I want my momma and no one can despair...HA? AT LEAST not me...but I've become a ghost, a disclaimer. I walk through flames and yet that is not enough, perhaps patience will tell, but a broken Momma's heart yells at me daily this is not so....

things can he hard
things can be cruel
but never ever are u
the sunshine of my sun
the highlight of my day
for ever and ever i hope you stay :)
for ever i will love u
and some times im mean
and some times im a mule but
for ever and ever will i love u
wether the time the place the felling
i will cherish the moments the every one
because i love u and u are my
MOM

Sometimes You Just Gotta

Turning 34, I've come to the utterly heartbreaking, innocence deprived, slap in the face realization that once in a while you have to FORCE yourself to do things you plain and simple do NOT want to do....like 1) get out off bed and take a shower 2) feed your children and loved ones including yourself food that does not come out of a box 3) be an agreeable wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and repeat step 1.
Lately, this get out of bed ideology is foreign to me. While this is certainly out of my norm, I have slowly learned that sleep is not just a necessary task, it is a pleasure, it is a coveted treasure one only truly enjoys after being deprived (ie having children).
But really!!! lately during battles with the snooze button, extended nap times, and early to bed giddiness, I need to wake up. Life is (cringe) passing me by while I make 101 excuses to just lie here. Recently I have found my recent statements of a "girls gotta dream", or "but when I wake up I have to work", or "I feel so tired" (from doing what exactly?) are getting a little stale (like my hair smell to this pillow). So PS I gotta get my butt out of this bed and check back into my real life away from this saggy mattress...even if it is for stale coffee.

Oh sunshine, I love you so

It's repeated millions of times, mostly by small singing voices who run around with "you are my sunshine" or my kids and Bill Withers "Ain't no sunshine", but the sun is a powerful source of happiness and joy. Like a shot of caffeine thru my veins, the sun, oh ever so gracious to share its light and cover us with warmth, I am sun drunk. After an awesome (and slightly expensive) trip to local nurseries yard in front and back is a Mecca of flowers. Dave and I seriously got down and dirty building a new three tiered flower bed. Who needs marriage counseling when you both share the love of hard work, dirt digging. (Okay, I play in it, while he meticulously plots, plans, preps, and shovels). Seriously, good times and sunshine as our Prozac life is good. Hello, sunshine, I love you so.

Rocket Girl and Go Go Brain

Sumpthin's going on in this non-typical OCD overdrive "big head" almost 32 year old (yes, 5 days to go) brain. Tranquility? No, not just yet, that's like death bed deep. Simplicity? Umm, almost. Acceptance? What? Yes, acceptance! That's IT! and it feels so good! It's the kind that comes after a long run with a rockin' playlist, when I feel like I've figured a few things out, oh, so good! I've realized that I can accept myself as is, others as is, and what is to become...as is. Today, there is no need for redefining or over analyzing. I can accept things as they are; and with that comes this overwhelming sense of peace. I might be bad at calling my best friends back (or ever), I might tell the kids that Mama needs some quiet time, most of the time, and I might tell the love of my life that I can't sit still so don't pause the DVR for me. But, that's okay. As selfish as it seems, I just accept that this is the way I work without thinking "Am I doing it right? "Is this what you want from me?". It seems trite, but I can only perceive what I know to be true, and not think about what others might think. Because bottom line: I might never know what goes on in your mind. But mine, mine is good.

Rare form into 32

Sumthin's going on in my OCD overdrive brain: tranquility

Happy Birthday Dr Seuss

Ahhh to celebrate...and to read. What is this week about? It's a celebration of reading. My confucious, my psalms, my ode comes from one great man; Theodor Geisel aka Dr Seuss. Does this mean I'm a perpetual child? No! It doesn't count when you were too busy reading Baby Sitters Club, Nancy Drew, and Hardy Boys, and other classics rather than Hop on Pop, There's a Wocket in My Pocket, Green Eggs and Ham, which are without a doubt the TRUE classics.

And shut up! my favorite memories in school involved sitting in a circle around our teacher's feet and listening, listening to words come alive as she read us non-picture books...with lots of pages. Okay, I liked recess, I liked gym, but best of all I liked the quiet as a the magic unfolded as these majestic creatures, these sirens, read aloud.

It wasn't until my William was born that I found out about Dr Seuss. It all started with a trip to Target (as many days do) and Dave's oldest brother Jeff, who came out of an isle with a handful of books, Will was just a few months old. He gave us the greatest gift, our first collection of Dr Seuss. And since then the love started and only has continued to grow.

What a wonderful thing, to read aloud, silly words and rhymes only to find out how prophetic these words truly are...Life is good: really, it's not the prozac talking, but as always "Today is gone. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one."

Old Days

Now I like to make a lot of promises. I fully pledge to do ______ starting _______. I hit it with enthusiasm. And then time comes and somehow I weasle my way out with some excuse or another. This creates is wasted energy and guilt (like Moms need more of that). Here we go again, no excuses: I pledge to stop making longer to do lists and actually do something, not everything and be satisfied with "Good Enough". I pledge to run or walk without having to go for a personal record. Simplicity in a job done, who cares about how well. It's a reintroduction to the things I love playing, running, blogging, spending time with friends, and have the energy to do it without the guilt and looming presence of perfection. Bring it, life, I've missed you!

What a Day for A Daydream